Don’t kill people. That’s the ARC’s job. Make no mistake, I ain’t no softie. Just coz I won’t attack you first, don’t mean I won’t defend meself from a rat bastard who likes the look of my backpack! The rustbelt is a volatile place. I’ve seen what it’s done to us. What it does to the mind. But we gotta stick together, fight for humanity, and focus our efforts where it truly matters – FOR SPERANZA!
I’ve yet to knock a fellow raider out, and I’ve been raiding since the day they finished digging the tunnels to the outside. Speranza is our last salvation, and Celeste has it right – we shouldn’t be fighting amongst ourselves! That’s doing the clankers job for ‘em. The ARC are the real enemy! They’re out there, slowly taking over our land. They ain’t farming or rebuilding nothin’, though I honestly don’t rightly know what they want. All I know is there’s salvage to find, and raiding to be done. That’s all there is to it.
I’ve been done in by m’fellow raiders enough times to know some people just ain’t got what it takes to be civilised members of society no more. They only in it for they’selves, and don’t give a hoot about nothin’ else. But that’s just not how I roll. Call me an idealist, but I won’t go turning against my own kind, not while there’s still hope in my veins.
Now let me do my civil duty and tell you about the real enemy, and what to do when you see ‘em.
The spies of the skies, Snitches are yer early mornin’ target practice. Take ‘em out quickly before they can call in reinforcements. A few good shots usually does it, but make sure you have a clear view before you start firin’ coz if it ducks into cover, you’re gonna have to deal with its buddies, and they usually bring guns.
Lil’ robo-insects that love to ambush you from the ceiling while you’re bending down to loot a cupboard. Dodge rolling quickly is the safest way to get ‘em off your back if they do catch you by surprise, but one good shot from pretty much anything is enough to take them out. And ya get a nice little pop trigger for yer efforts, which Tian Wen will make good use of back home.
Now these buzzers are easy to spot and easy to kill, if you know where to strike. Aim for their engines, try to take both out of the same side and they’ll go careening lopsided right into the ground. Hornets have a bit more armour than Wasps, so use something heavy like an Anvil, Ferro or if you got one, a Renegade. But don’t miss or they’ll be on ya like fleas to a turd peppering you with bullet seasonin’!
I’ll be honest wit’ya, I ain’t never taken down a Leaper yet, and they scare the beejeesus outta me. Big gangly spidery metal monstrocities, they can chase and hunt you down even if you try to hide. And they earned that name, coz ye’siree can they LEAP! Best bet is to run away as fast as you can in the opposite direction, but if you must fight, I hear their joints around the knees are vulnerable if you can hit ‘em. Otherwise, you’re gonna want some well-placed explosives, and empty yer gun straight into its eyeball.
Big, lumbering brutes armed with a pulverising gattling gun and artillery cannons, Bastions & Bombadiers can usually be heard stomping around long before you catch sight of ‘em. Again, go for the knees! Ye’ll need some heavy ammo and explosives if you wanna take ‘em down quick, but the chunks of metal that fall off ‘em can be mighty valuable salvage, so worth the effort. Bombadiers send out drone spotters to pick out their targets, so take those out if you wanna blind the big boy first, and make yer life a tad simpler. Bring some friends if you can, and share the loot!
These are the bigger brothers of them Hornets, and they’re sure to test the strength of yer sphincter. Fully armoured, and a lot more maneuverable than you’d expect, given their bulky size. Rocketeers will hunt you relentlessly from the skies, raining hellfire down on you in the form of explosive missiles. But the technique is the same as the littl’uns – Take cover, focus yer fire on the engines, and pray it explodes before it explodes you.
Rolling armoured vault balls! I’ve wasted my entire supply of ammo on these tempting little buggers, before, so take my word for it – bring spare rounds if you intend to hunt a Surveyor. They’re easy to spot, but tantalisingly rare. If you wait for it to open up and scan the sky, you can hit its weak yellow belly. Otherwise, shoot off its armour plating (and don’t forget to loot the chunks!) then pepper it with bullets as it tries to run away and call for backup. Eventually, it’ll go down, and you’ve got yerself a mighty fine prize of valuable ARC guts and sometimes a blueprint for yer troubles.
So far I’ve only seen these mean machines patrolling the corridors of Stella Montis, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they show up elsewhere! Slow, relentless, and armed to the teeth, these fellas are best dealt with by a duo, so one can bait and draw its fire, while the other throws grenades at its thrusters. If you see one o’these lining up an attack, make like a quack and DUCK!
Cute lil’ rollerballs that just wanna hug ya. Nah, not really. Pops blow up nicely with a couple accurate rounds but ye’ll wanna wait for the Fireball to open its hull and shoot at its core to make it go boom. Just stay back, its full o’gas and sets whatever’s near it on fire when it dies.
The ARC are evolvin’! These new breeds of clanker only showed up a few weeks ago, and they’re hungry for barbequed raider. Armed with flame-throwers, you’ll want to stay as far away as possible, coz if you get up in their grill, they’re gonna crisp you up like Apollo’s rat-steak special.
Just don’t. Unless you have an army of friends, leave ‘em be. If you do have an army, then good luck.
And that sums it up, stranger! I hope ye’ve learned a thing or two. Maybe I’ll see ye out there on the rustbelt sometime. Just remember who the real enemy is, keep that gun trained on the ARC, and we’ll get along just fine…
Last summer, I collaborated with my mate Mark Vale to create our very first mobile game app. It’s all about pushing buttons as fast as you can. So, a great little time-waster when you’re on the loo, or waiting for your bread to toast. Mark came up with the concept, did all the programming in Unity, and I provided the art and music. There’s only one rule – hit the green light as fast and as many times as you can.
I’ve got an enormous backlog to catch up with, so my gaming time has been pretty varied lately as I jump from one thing to another. I’m squeezing every spare moment I can in between work, life, and fatherhood duties, and enjoying some side-scrolling platform action, blasting zombies in one of the best remakes around, and scaling a literal mountain.
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 is a depressing game. It’s epic and majestic, but undoubtedly bleak. Luckily, it also has some hilarious moments timed with comedic perfection, which somehow never feel out of place. It’s a credit to the writers, and the performances of the voice actors. These are my favourite funny moments of Expedition 33.
WoW consumed my life for almost the entirety of 2004/05, when I was studying for my A-levels, and was probably a key contributor to my D-grades. I’m probably not the only person who would admit to daydreaming of roaming through Elwynn Forest, even many years after I stopped playing. I just spent so much time there, and other places of that world, sometimes roleplaying, always questing, but best of all simply exploring an unknown land. Even though I LOVE what Blizzard did in Cataclysm, my favourite memories all come from what they call Vanilla WoW, the original version of the game.
The first horror game I ever played, and I never got beyond the room in the attic where the wolf attacks you. All 5 polygons of the terrifying beast were enough to send me fleeing from the room, leaving my father to deal with it.
A friend on Facebook posted a list of their favourite movies, listed in the year they came out, which I immediately followed up with my own list. There’s only one rule: you must pick your favourite for all of the years that you’ve been alive, and you can only pick one per year. I decided to give it a go for videogames. It’s a lot trickier than you might think! Some years have featured an abundance of incredible titles, whereas other years it’s easy to pick out a clear winner in your mind. So, without further ado, here’s my list of favourite games, one per year since I was born. This was insanely difficult…
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